Below is my story entry for the Writer Wednesday writing prompt (found here). Enjoy!
Every morning my human gets all huffy and makes me wait for my food while she makes her coffee. I wake her up at 3:30 so I can potty in my box and not in her room and she has the audacity to be annoyed with me? Pshh. I am doing her a favor; she should be thanking me by filling my bowl. She’s lucky I don’t just pee in the corner.
In fact, she’s always complaining there aren’t enough hours in the day, so I just gifted her like three more hours! Humans are always trying to do a bazillion things in a day—yet complain there isn’t enough time. Why bother then?
Humans have got life all wrong. Being lazy is the way to go. You see, I sleep about 20 hours a day. Do you know how slowly time goes by when you sleep it away? And let me tell you how much energy I have after such an extended slumber. I merely eat a few crunchies, take a poo in my box, and I can zoom from one end of the house to the other for no particular reason at all. I mean can humans do that? Ha! They wish. Why else would they guzzle that stenchy liquid every morning? Blech. I’d take a mud puddle over that stuff any day. I digress. If they want energy then they have to invest in sleep.
You know, humans tend to get cranky when they are tired. I admit sometimes I get a little miffed myself, but it isn’t anything a little grass and a good barf on the carpet can’t fix. I always feel so much better. In fact, I’m always able to squeeze under the bookcases a little easier after I hock a hair ball or two. On a good day I might even find one of my shiny balls under there which is a bonus! A solid barf and a ball—score!
While humans are clueless about how to live the good life, I will say they are really good for a scratch behind the ears and a warm snuggle. My human lets me settle on her head every night and even massages my back. I purr just thinking about it!
Yeah, humans are alright but really need to lay off this coffee thing (and fill my bowl while you’re at it!). Happiness is 20 hours of sleep, a good hock, and a scratch behind the ears.